


words.

by vanillajama



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Character Study, M/M, POV Marvin (Falsettos), Poems, it's everything okay, it's just everything it's falsettos but marvin-centric and in poem format
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-03-01 07:12:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18795481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanillajama/pseuds/vanillajama
Summary: "don’t leave me, love me,i tell you.leave me, don’t love me,you tell me."a book of poems telling the story of falsettos. much of it will be marvin-centric and will regard marvin's relationships with the people around him, but some will also be in other characters' perspectives. poems may be short because words can't hold the power of this musical. updates are sporatic.





	1. meeting.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "i was drawn to your eyes,  
> and your eyes were drawn to my pocket."

i sat at a bar

in a club that smelled like bodies,

scotch, and money evaporating

into the air with the top hits of the 70s.

 

i should've been in my element,

with a drink in hand, and men in sight,

but i’ve had a ring on my finger for ten years

and have been trapped for four times longer.

 

i have felt dead for ten years,

and i don’t want to make my life

feel any more like a living hell.

 

suddenly, you stumbled into the seat next to me,

giggly and filled with alcohol and song,

your sex drive probably higher than your high-waisted pants.

 

i was drawn to your eyes,

and your eyes were drawn to my pocket.

 

we stumbled into a stall,

your lips on my lips, then my neck,

then my hips, and lower still,

and suddenly the wedding band

that once felt like noose suffocating me

seemed to be made with thread

and i ripped it off my neck

and let everything fall away.

 

every day from then,

i craved your mouth

that blew on cheap cigarettes,

drank wine, and bit on your nails.

 

and time after time, you told me

it had been a one time thing,

that you didn’t do relationships,

that you didn’t want anything from me

besides sex and money.

 

but whizzer brown,

when you hold me in your arms

as we lay in your bed in your home,

light in hand, face pressed to my shoulder,

it makes me think we both want the same thing:

love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello !! i was very nervous posting this at first because it's so short. this is a little thing that i'm doing for fun, but it'd be fine if y'all want to request certain scenes/songs you want to see poem-ized ! 
> 
> anyways, thank you for reading this, i hope that you stick around to see more. 
> 
> i will start posting regularly once or twice a week.


	2. counting.

one times two times three.  
six am. 

wake up. take a shower.  
go downstairs.  
expect breakfast to be ready.  
get mad if it’s not.

kiss the wife. kiss the child.  
say bye to the parakeet.  
leave for work.  
yell at the traffic.

two times four.  
eight am.

work.  
work is just numbers,  
numbers and numbers and numbers.

but i like numbers.  
they’re definitive, and i can count  
and count on them to never change.

one, two, three, four,  
one, two, three, four,  
one, two, three, four, hours.

four hours since i’ve been at work.  
eat while working with my numbers again.

one, two, three, four.  
four pm.

plus one.  
five pm.

then two.  
six pm.

get home.   
kiss the wife. help the child.  
feed the parakeet.   
eat dinner. it's not late, thankfully.

everything has to be on time  
because in one, two, three, four hours,

four, then three, then two,  
then just one hour,  
i'll get to see you again.

it's all so repetitive,   
but if i end my day at  
one times two times three times four;  
12 am,  
with me laying beside you,  
i'd do it again.


	3. playing easy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "if only she weren’t perfect,  
> or a woman."

being with you is easy.

though all our time comes from stolen hours

from midnight to the break of day,

you make me feel alive.

 

each kiss sets something in my chest aflame,

each word from your lips makes my mouth dry,

each glance my way—

well, let’s just say you do something to me

that no one else has done before.

 

since i’ve found your door,

it almost feels like we’re together.

 

there's just something about the way

you comb your fingers through my hair

and dust off the shoulders of my blazer

that oddly makes me feel at home.

 

and home is the place

where domesticity lies,

don't you think?

 

i know you don’t want a relationship, but i do.

i want more than what you’ve already given me.

i want more than the sex, the food, the comfort.

i want love. 

 

but for now,

just being with you is okay.

 

being with her is hard.

my wife is submissive, gentle,

her head bowed and her hands constantly at work

as they clean, cook, and caress.

she is everything i could ever want,

but i do not love her.

 

 

there's just something about the way

she brushes my hair out of my eyes

and wraps her arms around my shoulders

that almost makes me sick.

 

she’s like sugar, and too sweet for me.

she never puts up a fight like you do,

never breaks the rules like you do,

never strays from being the perfect woman

that killed me on our wedding day.

 

if only she knew about what,

or rather, who,

i’m doing behind her back.

maybe she would be more human.

 

maybe she would be her own person for once.

 

if only she weren’t perfect,

or a woman.

 

if only she were you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> e. i have finals this week so i have to grind. otherwise updates will be semi-consistent


	4. not for me — trina.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "you just keep lying.  
> go on digging your grave."

he’s not mine anymore.

i’ve known this for years.

or maybe he was never mine to begin with.

 

i don’t get it.

everyone loves me.

the neighbors find me

a joy to be around,

with my nice dresses

and polite laughs

and clever wit.

 

the son holds my hand

and tells me he loves me

and makes me cards

for every occasion.

 

even the parakeet,

the small, flightless thing,

seems to squint its beady, black eyes

in appreciation when i’m around

to feed it when the husband’s late.

 

he must take me for a fool,

no, a clown! — ha! —

he must take me as 

an absolute nitwit

to not notice how…

how _detached_ he’s been.

 

does he find it entertaining,

sneaking around behind my back

and sleeping with other women,

believing his sweet wife

would stay blissfully unaware?

 

i bet the others aren’t half

as good as i am for him.

i’ve got the class,

i’ve got the looks,

i’ve got the ability

and the _patience_ to love him.

i have everything that he could want.

there’s no possible way

that another woman could be 

better than me.

 

i’m perfect.

i’m doing everything right.

how come he’d choose her

over me, then?

 

but that’s alright, dear.

you just keep lying.

go on _digging your grave._

we can keep pretending

that everything is fine,

if that’s what you want.

because it’s always about

what you want, not what

anybody else wants.

 

to hell with that anybody

else thinks, huh? 

isn’t that right, marvin?

liar.

 

_liar!_

 

who knew

behind that mask

of charming smiles

and tender words

and gentle touches,

there lies such a 

despicable man.

 

i can’t believe that 

i held my heart out for you

and decided to be yours.

i know it’s cruel to say,

but maybe your mother 

knew what she was doing

when she withheld her love from you. 

maybe i should do the same.

 

maybe i should be like

both of your parents.

remove myself

and our son from you 

completely.

he deserves a good man

to teach him the ways of the world.

someone like you

can’t do any of that.

 

it’s funny how i feel terrible

for saying all of these things

even though you deserve it

and you don’t know _this_

is what i think of you now.

 

it’s because i still love you.

i can’t help but do so.

but i know things are different.

the fights, the lies, the crying,

the scenes, the cold feeling

when you hold me in your arms—

they show that things are different.

 

you don’t belong to me anymore.

you belong to someone else.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry I haven't updated I've been working on 2 other fics and making art  
> bls follow me on tumblr ( vanillajama ) for that content


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